Sometimes derby really fucking sucks

What a great and upbeat first blog post, huh?

It’s been a shitty derby week. I can recognize that there were some moments of really great progress, but the shitty is clouding the good right now and it’s hard to focus on small successes. I started by failing my level one assessment. Again. Yep, I failed level 1 for the second time. I fucking suck, I know. I failed my laps (one short), my cuts (not quick enough), my plow stops (too wide), and my T-Stops (I fell WHAT THE FUCK). BUTTTTTTT I got all my knee taps/falls, excluding my double knee slides– I’ve never done one of those correctly¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It was  frustrating because I was pretty confident in my plows and T-stops. I was also kind of confident in my cuts, but it was pretty hard to be sure considering that freshies rarely get to use the track for skills even during our designated practice. You know how many times I’ve been counted/timed on my 27/5? Twice. Once during each (failed) assessment. It’s hard to know where you stand and make a plan for improvement when all you get to do is skate in the back and do pace lines, ya know? I know not getting any track time is normal at this stage, and I understand that vet skills and scrimmages are way more important, but it’s frustrating.

And I worked really hard the past month to get stronger and faster to pass this assessment. I started cross fit. Yep. Cross fit. I consistently logged more practice hours AND open skate hours AND gym hours than the rest of my fresh meat class ( by over a third!!!!!) and I’m still 3/4. Soon to be 3/3 because Katie is leaving at the end of the month to go do some corporate job. I’m kind of mad at her, especially since she’s one of my best friends now, but also really proud of her. Morgan is level 3 already (what the hell) and Cathrine is level 2 (still confused about that tbh). I made big improvements on this assessment (and cried about it with a trainer… love you Cray) but I still feel so defeated and left behind. My fresh meat coach is really encouraging and so is my fresh meat class and I’m incredibly thankful for that. But my “big sister”? Not so much. We’ll talk about her later because I have a lot to say… There’s part of me that just want’s to prove to her that I’m not just “the dud” (her words). I really just want her to like me but I think I’m gonna have to let that dream go. Three is the loneliest (and most discouraged and frustrated) number right now. Maybe I’ll make that my actual number. Who knows?

Wow what a pity party… fun stuff right?

Peace, love, and derby Y’all

-#3 (for now).

unfair

 

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